Ten Things You Never Knew about the Renters
by Meredith Trainor
Summary: Some secrets are better kept unknown... features Mark, Mimi, Roger, Joanne, Maureen, Angel, Collins, and yes, even Benny the Bulldog. Pre-Angel's death, dedicated to Evita, may she rest in peace.


**_Ten Things You Never Knew about the Renters_**

Mark Cohen

1 When he was younger, he slept with a teddy bear.

2 Said bear's name was Snuggles.

3. He still sleeps with Snuggles when he feels lonely or scared.

secretly enjoyed Angel's dancing a lot more than he'd like Collins to know.

5. The smarter the Jew, the dirtier the mind.

6. The day Roger came home and told him what happened with April, he went downtown and actually tried to get AIDS.

7. Romantic comedies make him cry.

8. When he was eight years old, he broke his shin in four places and the kids called him "Crip" for the next two years.

9. He doesn't actually have a prescription for glasses; he just wears them because Maureen once told him she thought a man with glasses was sexy.

10. When Maureen dumped him, he went to Ben and Jerry's and ordered four scoops of Death by Chocolate.

Joanne Jefferson

1 Her actual name is Josie, but when she was nine years old, she punched a guy's lights out for calling her Rosy Josie.

2 She started tap dancing lessons at age six, but was expelled three years later for "artistic dissimilarities." (Joanne will tell you her teacher was a bitch.)

3 She decided to study law after she met Danielle Guente, a pretty young lawyer-in-training, her first crush.

4 Her favorite pastime is tango dancing.

5 She once spent $5,000 on lingerie.

6 But she buys her day-clothes from thrift stores.

7 In high school, she dated a Mexican girl, an Italian, three black girls, an Asian, and an Irish girl.

8 She has never once fought with her parents.

9 One time in seventh grade, a snobby little rich boy grabbed her ass. She broke his arm, and no boys ever hit on her again.

10 She once went blonde, and it didn't look all that bad.

Mimi Marquez

1 She was born in New Mexico, and her real name is Maria.

2 Her parents raised her to be a good Catholic, and sent her to study at a convent.

3 When she was seventeen, she met a young Jesuit who changed her outlook on life.

4 Later he funded her trip to New York, and got her a job in a café.

5 She despised waiting tables, and was glad for a career change. She loves dancing.

6 Nobody actually said she had the best ass below 14th Street until she started saying it herself.

7 She got AIDS from a woman, her roommate on Avenue A, Rosalie Sanchez. Rosalie died two months later.

8 She speaks three languages, Spanish, English, and Italian.

9 Her favorite candy is licorice whips.

10 She's not actually a fan of sadomasochism; like many people she views it as a personality disorder.

Roger Davis

1 His mother died when he was four, and his father took up drinking when he was eight.

2 He bought his first guitar after he spent a month raking leaves, babysitting, and washing cars. It cost $250.

3 He met Mark at the park one day when the "little punk" took a snapshot of Roger playing that guitar. He got pissed off and chased him down the path, finally tackling him to the ground. As he pummeled the lights out of Mark, he was amazed to hear him moan, "No, not the camera; anything but that!"

4 He didn't start using until April died.

5 He was homeless by choice for three weeks, playing his guitar and walking the streets, before the band 'found' him.

6 He grew up racially prejudiced, so when Mark brought Collins home, he was startled and confused. It took him a few days to acclimate.

7 He has a tattoo of a monarch butterfly on his left hip.

8 He enjoys long walks in Central Park, chocolate-covered strawberries, and Cat Scratch Club dancers.

9 His favorite Disney movie is Sleeping Beauty.

10 He was disappointed in the ending of Wizard of Oz, and promptly threw out the movie. This started the biggest argument he's ever had with Collins, who adores the Munchkins.

Maureen Johnson

1 She had the hugest crush on Mimi. Three months—the longest infatuation she's ever had.

2 She's afraid Joanne might just turn out to be her soulmate.

3 Regardless of what she may say, she's never used drugs.

4 She's really a horrible dancer, but everybody's too busy checking her out to notice.

5 She passed Bartending School at the age of seventeen and immediately ran away from home.

6 Mark said it was a one-night stand, but the alcohol didn't let her understand.

7 Her middle name is Gertrude, after her rich great-aunt.

8 She sailed three years as a singer on a cruise line, but after an unsuccessful affair with her boss, she quit without notice.

9 Despite the claims she'll make, she's only had sex with four people. Three men, and one woman.

10 Her latest crush is Allison,'Muffy'. That's right, Benny's wife.

Angel Dumott Schunard

1 He was christened William Smith.

2 In the third grade, he had a crush on a sweet little blonde girl with pigtails and dimples. He was devastated when she turned him down, and denounced women at that moment.

3 He used to design tee shirts for a major distributor, until he was fired for a risqué slogan "Who needs tits anyway?"

4 He tried marijuana once, got sick and threw up, and swore never to use drugs again.

5 When he moved to New York (after being fired from the tee shirt industry) he worked as a bath house attendant in the gay side.

6 The first thing he said when his nurse showed him the HIV report? "Oh that's okay honey. But what's really important are your nails. Are you kidding me? Zebra stripes are so last week!"

7 He currently operates a dating advice column called Dear Angel on his spare time.

8 In high school he thought he wanted to be a chef. Then in home economics one day he got really bored and began to tap a metal spoon on the counter. What happened then is history.

9 He traveled to Paris with a stranger he met while working at the bath house, and that's when he decided to be a drag queen. For, as he told his new friend, "The women's fashions are so much MORE than the men's. I mean, can we say _meow_?!"

10 His favorite color is black.

Tom Collins

1 His favorite food is fried chicken, just like his Mama used to make.

2 He has six brothers and sisters: June, Leigh, Mario, Antwon, Paco, and Jaquita.

3 In the fourth grade, a little brat named Rex beat up Mario, so he cut lines in Rex's pants. When Rex came to school the next day, they said "Bitch" right across his backside.

4 He has never beat up anybody, nor even punched a guy.

5 But he would do it for Angel.

6 He's a Republican.

7 He got drunk on his 21st birthday for the first and last time. Now he drinks in moderation.

8 He got AIDS from a memorable night: four guys, a hot tub, and plenty of marijuana. Even he doesn't quite recall who gave it to them.

9 Nor does he care.

10 The first thing he said when his nurse showed him the HIV report was, "Oh. So will you go out with me _now_?

Benjamin Coffin III

1 He took up painting as a young boy, and won several awards with his watercolors of the Central Park landscape and its birds.

2 But when he got to high school, his father told him if he wanted to get anywhere in life, he'd better "give up that nancy-boy nonsense and start playing football." So he did.

3 He had a gay relationship with the wide receiver from another team, right after his team won out over theirs.

4 The next morning, his coach kicked him off the team, and his father whipped the hide off of him.

5 He's always been an ambitious boy; and he knew all the secrets about the adults in his life.

6 He never did his math homework.

7 In his second year at NYU, he had an affair with his professor, in order to pass Spanish.

8 He really didn't like Allison at all, but he is ambitious, after all.

9 Their relationship isn't monogamous, on both sides.

10 His favorite flavor of ChapStick is coconut.

A/N: I don't own emotion; I rent! I don't own these renters either. They are Jonathon Larson's fabulous creation. Join the Review Revolution and review my fic!


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